Blazing Dragons Virtual Season Episode 7 - Loungelot of the Lake
by J-R Virtual Seasons
Summary: Sir Loungelot has realised that he can't hide behind Flicker forever, and a crisis of confidence leads him to seek advice from his mother, the mysterious Lady of the Lake. But Loungelot is not to be the Lady's only visitor. Merle comes along to stir up trouble, and to renew an old acquaintance: a dragon who has his own reasons for wanting Camelhot to fall.
1. Chapter 1

Flicker was in Sir Loungelot's quarters, checking through the contents of a large backpack, while Loungelot looked on with an expression of impatience.

'I've packed a good lot of weapons,' said Flicker, 'but they're not too heavy, I don't think. There's also a change of clothes, and a bottle of water - you can refill that if you need to - and I made you lots of rolls for when you get peckish. Now, have I forgotten anything?'

'That sounds like more than enough.' Loungelot snatched the bag from him and put it on his back. 'So, Flicker, your weekend off starts now. What are you going to do?'

'I haven't really decided yet, Milord,' said Flicker.

'Well, enjoy it while you can. I'll be back tomorrow night at the latest.'

'Yes, Milord.'

Loungelot went to the door, while Flicker stayed behind to tidy up a few things. When he left the room, he found Princess Flame in the corridor outside.

'Hello, Flicker,' she said. 'Enjoying your weekend off?'

'I haven't really done anything yet,' said Flicker, 'except for seeing you. So, yes. Do you have any plans for today? I could show you some inventions, if you'd like.'

'I'd like that very much,' said Flame. 'I do have plans for later, though. You always find time for me when you _haven't_ got the weekend off, so I thought you should have the afternoon to yourself. Or you could come and watch, if you'd rather.'

'Watch?' said Flicker. 'Why? What are you going to do?'

'The knights have organised a little tennis tournament, and I've agreed to umpire.'

'Well, that sounds like fun, but I'm not really making any definite plans - just seeing what I feel like.'

'Good idea,' said Flame. 'Do you feel like showing me your inventions now?'

'Certainly,' said Flicker, and they set off together down the corridor. 'Well, there aren't as many as all that, but I'm working on a few new ideas. Actually, I've made a rather exciting discovery with the magic net. I've found out that if you just let it dangle, it always points north.'

They turned a corner just as he was finishing this sentence, and found themselves face to face with King Allfire. Flicker looked alarmed for a moment before getting onto one knee and bowing his head. Flame smiled, and said, 'Hello, Daddy.'

'Hello, Puff,' said Allfire. 'What are you up to?'

'Oh, nothing much. Flicker's just going to show me his magic net pointing north. Isn't that a fascinating discovery? He'll never get lost as long as he's got his magic net with him, will he? Well, I suppose he can't lug it everywhere…' She looked down at Flicker, and said, 'What are you going to do - try making a smaller one?'

'I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about, my dear,' said Allfire.

'Flicker's magic net, Daddy!' Flame said impatiently. 'You know, the thing he used to expose Count Geoffrey when he was in disguise as the Puce Knight.'

'Oh, that,' said Allfire. 'Well, have fun. I'll see you later, Puff. Good day, squire.'

'My Liege,' said Flicker, bowing even lower. Then, once the King had passed him by and disappeared round the corner, he rose up and said in strangled tones, 'Flame, can you _please_ not talk to your father about my magic net like that?'

'Like what?'

'Like you're on intimate terms with it.'

'Well,' said Flame, 'I am. Flicker, my father knows I look at your inventions. I've talked to him about them. I've told him several times how clever you are.'

'I wish you'd be a bit less blasé about it,' said Flicker. 'I'm not even really supposed to speak to you, you know.'

'I know,' said Flame, taking his arm and leading him on down the corridor. 'And I don't care.'

* * *

Sir Loungelot approached the edge of a dark and misty lake, munching on a cheese roll. He chewed and swallowed a large mouthful, then shouted, 'Mother!'

The centre of the lake gurgled and bubbled. A moment later, a red armchair containing an elderly female dragon came to the surface. The dragon was holding a newspaper and a pen, and coughing violently. Once over her coughing fit, she frowned at Loungelot and said, 'What are you doing here? I'm in the middle of my crossword! It's got a prize of twenty gold pieces!'

'I want to ask you something,' said Loungelot.

'What?'

'Why did you give me to Allfire?'

'Is that all?' said the Lady of the Lake. 'You know why. Because I couldn't stand the sight of you. Your brother was always so much nicer to me.'

'Please, Mother, let's leave Murray out of this. Just tell me why. Was I supposed to do anything in particular?'

'Well,' said the Lady, 'it's complicated. I knew Allfire was going to do all this Square Table malarkey, and I hoped it might make a man out of you. You were supposed to be the most perfect of all knights, or at least, I thought so. There was someone who had other ideas, and we had a little bet.'

'Really?' said Loungelot. 'Who won?'

'No one. You've ended up somewhere in the middle. But if you're going to complete a quest and learn to be a better knight, you might just swing it for me.'

'Is that what I'm going to do?'

The Lady gave another hacking cough, then said, 'Maybe. Why have you come here asking about it all of a sudden?'

'Because one of these days,' said Loungelot, 'my squire is going to be knighted, and I've come to depend on him quite a lot. I don't know what I shall do without him.'

'Your squire, eh?' said the Lady. 'I remember him. He got you through that last quest I sent you on, didn't he?'

'Yes, as a matter of fact, he did. And look at these rolls he made for me.' Loungelot held out the half-eaten cheese roll. 'That's more than you ever did.'

'Oh, you're breaking my heart, you ungrateful little maggot. You'll be wanting that quest, then. Follow the dragon's breath,' she said, and coughed out a cloud of yellow gas. 'And don't look at me like that - it won't lead you to Murray this time. Well, off you go, then!'

Loungelot scowled at his mother as the rancid breath floated past him, then he turned and followed it. Moments after he had gone, there came a puff of smoke and a flash of lightning, and Merle the Wizard appeared where Loungelot had been standing.

'What are you up to, Lady?' she said, pointing an accusing finger at the dragon.

'Nothing to do with you,' said the Lady. 'He's my son, and he came to me for help, so I'm giving it to him. That's all.'

'Don't give me that! I heard you. You're trying to swing our bet.'

'I didn't ask him to come here. He _wants_ to go on that quest. He might learn something, and he might not. Now leave me alone - I'm that close to solving fourteen down.'

'Fine!' said Merle. 'But if I'm about to fork out on that bet, at least I'll make sure to get something back. Tell you what, Lady. You use your boy, and I'll use mine.'

With that, she gave an almighty cackle, and left amid smoke and lightning twice as flamboyant as that in which she had arrived.

'You batty old cow!' the Lady yelled after her. 'It's only a round of fish and chips! Honestly, some people,' she muttered, as her chair lowered itself back down into the murky waters. 'Now, this bloomin' silly clue for fourteen down…'

* * *

In a dark and crumbling castle, tucked away in the middle of a bleak landscape, a male dragon was trying on a crown in front of a mirror. When Merle appeared before him in a puff of smoke, he jumped violently, and dropped the crown with a clatter.

'Blazing dragons, woman!' he cried. 'Don't _do_ that!'

'You like that expression, huh?' said Merle. 'Well, good, because you're going back to Camelhot. It's time to implement the plan.'

The dragon stared at her. 'Are you joking? It's been _years_!'

'So? I never gave you a timescale.'

'No, I suppose not. It just seems such a long time for it to take to happen.'

'Yeah, well,' said Merle, 'it hasn't - not exactly as I predicted. But now I've got something just as good, maybe even better.'

'Oh? Then it's not the Queen and that knight, Sir Bingelot, or whatever his name is?'

'Nah, he's too careful, and I'm not even sure he really likes her. No one wants to get too familiar with Griddle-Cakes, but the Princess, on the other hand…'

'Flame can do whatever she likes,' said the dragon, ' _and_ she can do it without stepping on Allfire's toes. She's his daughter, not his wife.'

'Exactly!' said Merle. 'She's not just his daughter - she's his only child. The whole future of Camelhot depends on her. But if she were to… I don't know… die of a broken heart, or elope, or something…' She gave the dragon a significant look.

'Why would she do a silly thing like that?'

'Will you stop arguing with me? I know what I'm doing, okay? You've been stuck in this filthy old ruin for the past however many years!'

'Yes, because you told me to be!'

'I know,' Merle said, a little more gently. 'And now I'm telling you to go to Camelhot, because the time has come. Listen to me. There's only one dragon that girl will ever consider marrying, and if what they have is destroyed, there'll be no fixing it. Camelhot will have no future. Except for _you_.'

With that, she lifted her right forefinger, and the crown floated up from the floor. It hovered above the dragon's head for a few moments, rotating and catching a shaft of light from one tiny window. Then it lowered itself gently onto his head. The dragon turned his attention back to the mirror. As well as the crown, his reflection was also wearing a fur-lined robe and holding a sceptre.

'I see you still have a talent for parlour tricks, wench,' he said.

'Hey!' Merle said, snapping her fingers so that the vision disappeared. 'What's with all the backchat? Okay, so you've been waiting for me a long time. Big deal. You're only here because of me, you know. I made sure your mama laid your egg, but I didn't have to let you hatch. Your shell could have given me powers beyond belief!'

'Then why didn't you crush it to powder and let me die?'

'Because I love you, of course,' said Merle, her voice turning sickly sweet. 'Okay, you're upset. I understand. I was wrong about Loungelot and Griddle, but now I can make it up to you with something even better. You just listen to Aunty Merle, sweetie. If you do everything I say, Camelhot will be all yours.'

* * *

The Lady's breath led Loungelot to a cave cut into a landscape of grey rocks, dry ground and dead trees. Scowling at the uninviting spectacle, Loungelot drew his sword and cut down a mass of ivy that hung over the mouth of the cave. Then he clambered inside, and found himself standing in a vast, open area that was flooded with light. At first glance, there was nothing there. Then he heard a faint, dreamy voice so, with nothing better to do, Loungelot followed the sound.

Soon enough, he encountered a face floating in midair, or it may have been set against a brilliantly white wall. It was barely visible but the soft, feminine tones that issued from its mouth told Loungelot that this was a woman's face.

'The time is coming,' she was saying. 'The time is coming. The time is -'

'Who are you?' Loungelot asked curtly.

The face stopped speaking, and looked at him. 'I am the Oracle of Confusion.'

'You don't sound much like an oracle to me.'

'Have you spoken to many oracles, sir knight?'

'One,' said Loungelot, 'and he sounded nothing like you.'

'Listen,' the Oracle said. 'Change will come as surely as the seasons, and twice as quick. Accept the challenge. Take the word, but do not read it. We make our peace with it as best we can. When going forward, do not be afraid to look back, but know that you can never return. Just do your best - I'm sure you'll do fine. But don't hurt the bunny. The time is coming. The time is coming. The time is coming…'

Scowling, Loungelot turned away from the Oracle. When he could no longer see her, her voice faded to a quiet hum. He took a step forward, and felt something beneath his feet. It was a scroll. He bent, picked it up, put a claw to the wax seal and then stopped. He turned to face the Oracle.

'…and then, the wizard,' she was saying. 'The great wizard of the west. Terrible, but great. The time -'

'Are you actually talking _any_ sense?' asked Loungelot.

'Take the word, but do not read it. The time is coming…'

Again, Loungelot turned and walked away from her, this time clutching the scroll in a tight fist and muttering, 'Oracles, honestly…'

He walked on for a while, then suddenly he felt a rush of cold and began to shiver. He looked around him, and saw that he was standing in a palace of ice. There were thrones, chandeliers and a long table, all draped in icicles. To complete the scene, there were dragons as well: a king, queen and knights, forever frozen as statues.

'Curious,' Loungelot muttered, turning away from the tableau, only to find his face inches away from that of a young dragon lady, covered with a thin sheet of ice just like the rest. 'AAH!' he cried, jumping back. Then he took a moment to look at the girl, and saw a single tear frozen to her cheek.

'Hmm,' said Loungelot. 'Seems a bit of a shame. I wonder…'

He carried on looking at the girl for a moment, then went over to the table and blew a gentle stream of fire at it. Nothing happened. Loungelot looked down at the scroll in his hand, made to open it, and then stopped. 'No, this doesn't feel like the right time. Then what…?'

'There's nothing you can do.'

'I know that voice!' Loungelot span round, and saw Merle perched on one of the icy thrones. 'What are you doing here, wench? Is this your work?'

'No,' said Merle. 'This is some garbage you're supposed to figure out.'

'Well.' Loungelot took a moment to look examine the scene again, before going on, 'I think I get the general idea.' He indicated the frozen girl. 'Is this supposed to represent Princess Flame?'

'You're sharp,' said Merle. 'But you know, this whole thing is pretty one-sided. How are you supposed to make an informed decision without both sides of the story?'

'You're not a part of this quest,' said Loungelot. 'I know my mother hates me, but she hates you more - she would never have sent you to test me.'

'Your mama doesn't control everything,' said Merle. 'You're on a quest, you're going to encounter evil and I'm it. Now, are you coming with me or not?'

'Do I have a choice?'

'No!' Merle said, with a malicious cackle. Then she snapped her fingers, and the ice palace was gone.

* * *

Sir Blaze and Sir Hotbreath were playing tennis in the castle courtyard while Sir Galahot and Sir Burnevere looked on, and Princess Flame scrutinised the scene from the top of a tall stepladder. Cinder and Clinker were there too, crouching by the side of the net.

'Out!' Flame called, as Burnevere hit the ball several inches wide of the line. It went flying off, and Cinder and Clinker ran after it. 'Game, set and match, Sir Blaze.'

'Well done, Sir Blaze, sir!' said Galahot. 'Now we shall see how you measure up against me in the final!'

'There is more to tennis than mere brute strength, Sir Galahot,' said Blaze. 'I think you'll find I have a very good all round game.'

'Well, you beat me sure enough,' said Burnevere, as he and Blaze went to the net to shake hands.

'Phooey, Sir Burnevere,' said Hotbreath. 'I don't trust that net. It's the one Sir Agraflame made for us, remember?'

'Don't be silly, Sir Hotbreath,' said Flame. 'It isn't a sentient net with magic powers. Now, shall we have a little break before the final? Cinder and Clinker.' The ball boys, back in their position, stood to attention. 'Orange squash all round, I think.'

'Coming right up!' said Cinder, just as the drawbridge bell rang outside.

'Shall we get that first?' asked Clinker.

'Yes,' said Flame, 'otherwise Flicker will do it, and he's supposed to be having the weekend off.' She climbed down the stepladder as she spoke. 'I do hope whoever it is won't interrupt our tennis tournament. I'm having far too much fun to stop now.'

'Fear not, Your Highness,' said Galahot. 'No one will interfere with our beloved princess's fun.'

'You deserve a weekend off too, sis,' Blaze added. 'I know how much you do. Let's just hope it isn't some evildoer come to cause trouble, eh?'

At that moment, the drawbridge clattered to the ground, revealing a large and stately-looking male dragon.

'Egad, sir!' said Galahot. 'It's the King's nephew Scorchred!'

'The King's nephew Scorchred?' said Flame. 'But Daddy doesn't have a nephew. He hasn't even got any brothers or sisters, and neither did my mother.'

'Pardon me, Milady,' said Burnevere, 'but your father does have a half-sister. She isn't talked about.'

Flame opened her mouth to ask more, but by this time Scorchred had approached, and was holding out his arms to her.

'Flame!' he said, taking her into a crushing embrace. 'My dear little cousin! How you've grown!'

Flame turned her eyes towards the knights and - with difficulty, due to the force of Scorchred's hug - she asked, 'Have I ever actually met him?'

'Oh aye, Your Highness,' said Burnevere, 'when you were a wee bairn.'

'I remember it like it was yesterday,' said Scorchred, releasing Flame from his embrace. 'I know all of you, don't I? Except… but yes! Can this really be young Blaze? You've grown as well, old boy! And… been knighted, by the look of you.'

'Yes,' said Sir Blaze, 'quite a while ago now.'

'Good!' Scorchred's smile became suddenly much more forced, and he boomed in tones of false joviality, 'Well done you! How absolutely splendid! I'm so happy! Now, how is my dear Uncle Allfire?'

'Grand,' said Burnevere.

'Good! _Good_! Bet he's anxious to get you married, eh, Flame? You little heir to the throne, you!'

'How do you I know I'm _not_ married?' asked Flame.

'Or that Mumsey hasn't given the King a son?' added Blaze.

Scorchred looked alarmed for a moment, then said, 'She hasn't, has she? No, of course not, I'd know… I mean… has she?'

'No,' said Flame.

'Good. I mean, what a shame. Well, I'll just pop in and say good morrow to them, then. Lovely to see you all again. Of course, I'll be seeing plenty more of you during my stay, won't I? It's going to be so much fun! Bye now!'

Scorchred fixed them all with an insane, toothy smile, and then went hurrying into the castle. Flame and the knights stared after him, not noticing when Cinder and Clinker arrived with a bottle of orange squash and a stack of paper cups.

'What a nutter!' said Flame.

'Indeed,' said Hotbreath. 'When we saw him last he didn't seem _quite_ so… well…'

'Weird?' said Flame. 'Or how about suspicious?'

'Oh dear,' said Blaze. 'I jinxed it by hoping it wasn't someone evil, didn't I?'

'He might not be evil, sirs,' said Galahot. 'We must not judge him by his mother.'

'Is his mother evil?' asked Flame. 'Is that why I've never heard about her?'

'Quite so, Highness,' said Burnevere.

'Well,' said Flame, 'I wouldn't dream of judging him by her, but I feel quite happy in judging him by the way he was behaving just now. I'd better go and tell… no! No, no, no, he's having the weekend off!'

'Highness,' said Galahot, 'your trust in young Flicker is well placed, but I must ask you not to forget that we are Knights of the Square Table. We shall soon put a stop to any trouble this young man may be thinking of making.'

'I thank you, Sir Galahot,' said Flame. 'Well, we might as well get on with the final, mightn't we? Come on, Blaze and Galahot - get over by the net, and we'll toss to see who serves first.'

* * *

Loungelot found himself in pitch darkness. It took him a moment to realise that he was lying in bed, and felt very comfortable. He sat up and looked around him, his eyes narrow with suspicion. As his vision adjusted, he saw that he was in his own quarters at Camelhot. The moment he realised this, the door swung open and Flicker walked in. He crossed the room, and lit a candle with a stream of fiery breath.

'Good morning, My Lord,' said Flicker. 'Did you enjoy your quest? The Queen can hardly wait for you to regale her with tales of your adventures.'

Loungelot scowled. 'She told you that, did she?'

Flicker laughed, and said, 'Of course not. She has no idea who I am. I just happened to be there when she mentioned it.'

'Where's Merle?'

'Merle, Milord?'

'I want to get out of here.' Loungelot climbed out of bed and pointed an accusing finger at Flicker. ' _You're_ not real, and this isn't Camelhot.'

Flicker didn't argue. He didn't even look puzzled. Instead he stooped down beside the bed, reached underneath it and pulled out a big fluffy towel.

'How about a nice hot bath, Milord?'

'Where's the Princess?'

'Oh, around.'

'I see. And she's quite all right, is she?'

'I don't know,' said Flicker. 'I haven't spoken to her for some years now.'

'Some _years_?' said Loungelot. 'Why not?'

'It isn't my place.'

'But you still love her, don't you? Flicker, look at me!' He grabbed Flicker - or whoever it was - by the arms and looked into his eyes, which stared impassively back at him. 'Come on! Show me the pain in your eyes!'

'Pain, Milord?' said Flicker. 'I am only your squire. You don't want to be troubled with my pain. After all, it's never worried you before.'

Loungelot scowled deeply, then threw the faux Flicker aside. He landed hard on the ground, got immediately to his feet and began to tidy up the room.

'You weren't unhappy before!' raged Loungelot. 'Not very, anyway - that's why it didn't worry me! Things change - I _know_ that! If you… if _we_ carried on like this forever, you'd be miserable!'

'But I'm not,' said Flicker. 'You said it yourself, Milord: I'm not real. But I'm just as good, aren't I? Maybe you could just…'

'Yes?'

'Stay here.'


	2. Chapter 2

As night descended over Camelhot, Scorchred was kneeling before King Allfire and Queen Griddle in the throne room, his head bowed. Griddle sat on her throne, looking at Scorchred without expression. Allfire, in contrast, was on his feet and glaring down at his nephew with a look of fury on his face.

'You contemptible little liar!' he said.

'Your Majesty, I swear to you it is true,' said Scorchred. 'You will find them together at this very moment, if you should care to look.'

'I care to do nothing you suggest, Scorchred! Even if she _is_ with him, I'm sure they're doing something perfectly innocent, like… well… looking at his magic net pointing north, or something.'

Scorchred raised his head just enough to give Allfire a fleeting look of bewilderment. Then he lowered it again, and said, 'Forgive me, Your Majesty, but it is not proper for a princess to spend so much time with a squire. Whatever they are doing, it must be considered inappropriate.'

'Scorchred, I am the King! It is not your place to tell me what I must -'

He was interrupted by Griddle clearing her throat loudly. She got to her feet and, her voice quite neutral, said 'Perhaps we should discuss this between ourselves, my dear. Scorchred, you may leave us.'

'Your Majesty,' said Scorchred, in syrupy tones, and he bowed all the way out of the room. Once he had gone, Griddle's temper exploded.

'Allfire!' she cried. 'This is serious! You can't just dismiss allegations like that, or Camelhot will end up going to the dogs!'

'My dear!' said Allfire. 'Are you suggesting that I take the word of my evil half-sister's spiteful and snivelling little son?'

'He isn't little anymore, Allfire,' said Griddle, 'and he isn't his mother. I'm not asking you to believe him without evidence, but you must consider that he _might_ be telling the truth. You have to investigate his claim.'

'Why?'

'Why? _Why_? Because that girl is your only heir! Don't you care about the future of Camelhot?'

'I care more about her happiness.'

Griddle gaped at him. 'You care…? How can you say that, after everything you've worked for? Pulling Excaliburn from the Stone! Writing your stupid Chivalry Code! Calling the best and bravest men in the land to be your Knights of the Square Table! Lugging the wretched table out of my uncle's attic!'

'My dear,' said Allfire, 'I care about all of those things deeply. I care more about my daughter's happiness, but that and the future of Camelhot are not mutually exclusive.'

'Aren't they?' said Griddle. 'We're straying from the point here, Allfire. What about Scorchred's accusation?'

'I cannot believe it of her,' said Allfire. 'And from what I know about Squire Flicker, I cannot believe it of him.'

'As King, Allfire, I hope you know very little about Squire Flipper. And as for her…'

'What?'

'Well,' said Griddle, 'I'd forgotten all about it until just now - that's why I didn't tell you before - but a couple of years ago I had to have some stable boy thrown in the dungeon because I found him and the Princess in… well, a rather peculiar position.'

'What stable boy?' asked Allfire.

'Oh, I can't remember. Does it matter?'

'What peculiar position?'

'Oh, it was revolting! He had her pinned to this, sort of… _thing_! It had two wires sticking in a big potato that looked a bit like Loungelot, and he was stuck to it by his helmet. _And she was with him_!' At this, Griddle burst into tears.

'My dear,' said Allfire, 'stable boys don't generally wear helmets.'

Griddle sniffed, looked thoughtful and said, 'Well, now I come to think of it, he might have been a swineherd.'

'Now then, dear, there's no need to fret,' said Allfire. 'I shall investigate Scorchred's claim, to put your mind at rest. After all, if I have absolute faith in my daughter - and I do - there's no reason not to prove him wrong. There now, don't cry anymore.'

'Oh, Allfire,' Griddle said tremulously. 'It's not just that. I… I did so want to give you a son. If I had… well, I wouldn't have to be so strict with poor Flame, would I?'

'My dear!' Allfire went to his whimpering wife and put his arms around her. 'You have been a wonderful wife, and a wonderful mother to Flame. That is all I could have asked of you, and more. I do not fear for the future of Camelhot. It will all work out in the end - you'll see.'

* * *

'I am not falling for that!' bellowed Loungelot. 'Why, if I stay here…'

'It'll be just the same as it always was,' said Flicker, 'but without the changes, and without any consequences. And meanwhile, back in Camelhot, your boy will be able to move on with his life and be happy. Everyone wins. Haven't you always lived a lie, in one way or another? When it comes right down to it, this is no different.'

'It _is_ different,' said Loungelot, 'not least because I know who brought me here. Now I'll ask you one more time. _Where is she_?'

As he finished speaking, there was an explosion of light, and Loungelot found himself in a dark and empty space. In front of him, where Flicker had been a moment before, was Merle. She was chuckling, and rubbing her hands together.

'Very good,' she said. 'If this was part of your dumb quest, you'd have passed with flying colours.'

'Naturally,' said Loungelot. 'Well, get to the point, wench. Why am I here? You haven't plucked me out of my quest just because of some stupid bet with my mother, have you?'

'Of course I haven't!' snapped Merle. 'Your mother means nothing to me. I have bigger fish to fry, and you could ruin everything, so you're staying here whether you like it or not. If you don't want to keep the nice cosy room and the devoted servant, that's fine by me. Bye now!'

Merle cackled loudly, then disappeared in her usual display of smoke and lightning. Loungelot stood there for a moment, frowning at the place where she had been. He then lifted his scroll, looked at it, and finally lowered his arm.

'Mother!' He cupped his hands to his mouth to amplify his voice, and addressed the darkness. 'You know this isn't right! She magicked me out of my quest against my will! You're not going to let her get away with that, are you?'

At first, nothing happened. Loungelot looked around him, and saw only darkness on all sides.

'Raging plague,' he muttered. 'This is most unfair! Unless this really is the time to open the scroll…'

He looked at the scroll again, but still he would not open it.

With an almighty sigh, Loungelot removed his backpack, rummaged around in it and found another cheese roll. He began to eat, scowling with annoyance and racking his brains for an idea. Then suddenly he heard a very faint sound, as if of particularly small footsteps approaching from some distance. As it turned out, this was exactly what the sound was. As it grew steadily louder, Loungelot turned in its direction and, through the darkness, saw the figure of a very small man walking towards him.

'Have you been kept waiting?' the man asked.

'Just a bit,' said Loungelot, through a mouthful of cheese. 'Who are you?'

'Part of your quest.'

'Oh, good. Well… what happens now?'

'Would you say you were impatient at all, sir knight?'

Loungelot scowled. 'Are you sure you're not getting me confused with Princess Flame? She went on a quest for patience not so long ago.'

'Princess Flame?' The little man seemed only half aware of their conversation, as he had begun concentrating on getting across an invisible hopscotch grid. 'Oh yes, I know her. Are you ready to go, then?'

'I've been ready for about ten minutes,' said Loungelot.

'Good,' said the little man. 'Well, now that we've met the contestants, let's get on with the game!'

He stopped jumping around, and Loungelot finished eating his cheese. Then there came another flash of light.

* * *

The sun had risen over Camelhot. Princess Flame was pacing the width of her room, watched by Cinder and Clinker, who were dressed as ladies in waiting. Flame was wringing her hands, and her expression was one of mingled fury and terror.

'It's unfair and unjust and… and _terribly_ sexist!' she said. 'If I were a prince, I could do whatever I liked with a female servant.' She glanced at Cinder and Clinker. 'If we had any. Oh, Cinder and Clinker, what am I to _do_?'

She sat down heavily on the bed. Cinder and Clinker approached her, and Clinker patted her arm while Cinder said, 'Not to worry, Your Highness. We'll speak for you, _and_ for him. We've already told the King once what we think of Flicker.'

'Your prize in that bet,' added Clinker.

'Of which we meant every word, of course,' said Cinder. 'You don't remember when Scorchred was here last, do you, Highness? He was a disagreeable boy then, and I for one don't believe he's changed.'

'He was a nasty little maggot,' said Clinker.

'Your father can't possibly believe him over you,' said Cinder. 'For one thing, he's lying.'

'Isn't he?' added Clinker, exchanging an anxious look with Cinder.

'Sort of,' said Flame. 'I thank you for trying to comfort me, but… well, it's not just him, is it? Flicker and I _are_ quite… that is, Father might think that we shouldn't speak to each other as we do, and that I shouldn't be in his room so much. I've even touched him once or twice, or… a lot. I never really thought anything of it before, but now… well, suddenly it's not looking quite so innocent after all.'

* * *

Again, Loungelot found himself in unfamiliar and otherworldly surroundings. This time it was an area of grass, about the size of Camelhot's courtyard, surrounded by mist. Nothing was visible through it. From the corner of his eye, Loungelot saw two figures. He tried to focus on one, then the other, but they kept moving. They did not disappear, but always stayed in his peripheral vision. Loungelot let out a noise of impatience, but didn't speak. He looked expectantly at the little man in front of him.

'Just a minute, okay?' the man said. 'I want to dance.'

'You want to… _what_?' said Loungelot.

'Dance. I love to dance, don't you?'

'No.'

'Sometimes I like to run, but other times I just like to hang around, not doing anything important. Right now I'm going to dance. Wait there. I'll be with you when I'm ready… whether you want me to be or not!'

The little man hopped off a few feet and then, as promised, he began to dance. Loungelot stared at him for a few moments, and then looked around for the two elusive figures. He found one immediately: a cloaked beggar leaning over an empty bowl. Then, after some searching, Loungelot's eyes found the second figure: a woman draped in a black veil, weeping over a grave.

Loungelot turned to the little man, who was now sitting on the ground and had begun to make a daisy chain from daisies that had just appeared.

'I don't understand.'

'Are you getting impatient?' asked the little man.

'Yes, I am rather.'

'What are you going to do?'

'What _can_ I do?' said Loungelot.

'Fight me?' The man jumped up, and produced a sword the size of a butter knife.

'Um.' Loungelot looked at the tiny sword, and then at the broadsword belted at his waist. 'Well… I think I'd better not.'

'Good man.' He put his sword away, and pointed towards the beggar. ' _He_ tried to fight me.' The little man then returned to his daisy chain.

Loungelot looked at the beggar for a moment, then ventured across the grass towards him, and crouched down to peer under his cowl. What he saw made his eyes widen.

'Blazing dragons!' he exclaimed. 'Sir Piston of Singetagel Castle!'

'Not _Sir_ Piston anymore,' said Piston, 'and no longer of Singetagel Castle. Oh, pity a poor dispossessed knight whose squire has exposed him as a fraud, been knighted himself and married the Princess.'

Loungelot stood up abruptly, scowling, then turned to look at the weeping woman.

'What did _she_ do?' he asked.

'Her?' said the little man. He had abandoned his daisy chain, and was turning cartwheels around the perimeter of the grassy area, almost disappearing into the mist. 'Hmm… let me think… just a moment, now, it's coming to me…'

While he waited, Loungelot twitched with impatience, but something told him to keep quiet. Finally the little man turned his final cartwheel, set himself upright and said, 'Oh yes, I remember. _She_ tried to hurry me.'

Loungelot looked sharply at the weeping woman, and listened to her sobs. He knew her voice, tremulous and distorted as it was. He took cautious steps towards the woman and knelt down at her side.

'Princess Flame?' he said.

She did not answer, but Loungelot recognised her. Slowly, his eyes moved from her face to the headstone in front of her. It read: _In memory of Flicker of Camelhot_.

'What be the meaning of this?' raged Loungelot, standing up and reeling back from the grave.

'Upsetting you, is it?'

'Yes!' Loungelot looked down, and saw that the little man was standing at his feet. 'I don't understand. Why are you showing me this?'

'I told you. He tried to fight me, and she tried to hurry me. I won't be hurried, Sir Loungelot, but nor will I be stopped.'

'I know that!' snapped Loungelot. 'I've known that all along. That's exactly the reason I was, well…'

'Scared?'

'Well… I suppose, if you want to put it like that…'

'It's okay to be scared,' said the little man. 'And very often, there's nothing you can do except face it. Okay then, you're ready, and so am I. It is time.'

'Time?' said Loungelot. 'Time for what?'

'For what you've been waiting for. Oh, not the big thing - we're not quite there yet. A much smaller thing. Doesn't _this_ feel like the right time, sir knight?'

Loungelot looked at the man for a moment, then at the scroll in his hand. When he looked up, it was all gone: the mist, the grass and the three figures. He was back by the Lady of the Lake's lake. The Lady was nowhere to be seen. Loungelot looked back down at the scroll, opened it and saw three words written there: _He needs you._

* * *

Flicker was standing outside the Square Table chamber looking utterly sick, with both arms clutched across his stomach. Scorchred came strolling down the corridor with an exaggerated air of casualness. When he saw Flicker, he stopped walking and his face broke into a smirk.

'Now there's the look of a guilty man if ever I saw it,' he said. 'You disgust me, boy. How could you imagine that you were good enough to lay hands on my cousin?'

Flicker said nothing. He didn't even look up. Scorchred frowned.

'You'll be killed for this,' he said. 'You depraved peasant from the devil's own worm-ridden compost heap. You know what'll happen to you, don't you? And then…' He chuckled, and Flicker's eyes slid to his face. 'I wonder what will happen to _her_. No future for Camelhot from her bloodline, I'll wager. Oh no, because she'll choose to rot with you, won't she, you foul piece of sheep dung?'

Flicker returned his eyes to the ground, and made no comment. The smirk on Scorchred's face vanished, to be replaced by a look of rage. He took two brisk steps forward and kicked Flicker in the side, knocking him down.

'Coward!' he said. 'Defend yourself!'

Flicker's eyes flashed with anger, but his face was set, and still he refused to speak. Scorchred's anger rose. He balled his fists, and took a menacing step forward.

'Raging plague, what's going on here?'

Flicker and Scorchred both looked up, and saw Sir Loungelot walking briskly down the corridor. He did not slacken his pace as he approached the two dragons, but came to a sudden and immediate halt when he was barely an inch from Scorchred.

'Scorchred, you foul villain! What do you mean by treating my squire in this way?'

'Sir,' said Scorchred, all the malice vanishing from his voice, 'your squire is a villain. He is awaiting sentence on a charge of behaving inappropriately with the Princess.'

'My squire would no more behave inappropriately with the Princess than with the glory and honour of Camelhot itself, you steaming sack of horse manure! And as for the lady herself, you will not besmirch her name in my presence again if you want your eyes to remain in your head, you rotting pile of cat's intestines! You dung beetle's boot boy! You -'

'Loungelot!'

Loungelot stopped yelling, and turned abruptly at the sound of the King's voice. Allfire was standing in the doorway, looking rather taken aback, but he soon composed himself enough to ask, 'Can I take it you wish to give evidence?'

'Yes, Your Majesty, I do! Come along, Flicker.' Loungelot put his arm around Flicker, and led him gently through the doorway into the chamber. 'We'll soon sort this out. Honestly, I'm away for one weekend…'

Sitting around the Square Table were Queen Griddle and all of the knights, bar Sir Loungelot, who remained standing with his arm around his confused and sick-looking squire. Cinder and Clinker stood in a corner.

'Where is the Princess?' asked Loungelot.

'She has given her evidence,' said King Allfire, 'as has everybody here. Including my nephew,' he added, his eyes narrowing slightly as Scorchred slunk into the room.

'Very well,' said Loungelot, not removing his arm from Flicker's shoulders. 'Your Majesties… gentlemen… no one knows my squire better than I. He strives each and every day to live by our noble king's Code of Chivalry, and I have never once known him to fail. I can promise you that any word he has said in his own defence is the complete and unembellished truth. I believe that most of us here are aware of the Princess's fondness for this boy - nay - for this young man. It is my belief that she takes an interest in him because she sees his potential as a Knight of the Square Table, as indeed do I, Your Majesties. Of this charge, I know with absolute certainty that Flicker is innocent.'

'Hear, hear!' said Sir Blaze.

'Ooh, Loungelot,' gushed Griddle, 'what a deliciously gallant speech.'

'Very well,' said Allfire. 'I have heard enough. Everyone called to give evidence has spoken most favourably of you, squire, today and on occasions past. I never believed it anyway, but, well… Scorchred!' His voice suddenly rose, and became filled with anger. 'I said from the start that your allegations were deplorable, unfounded and entirely false. I gave you a chance to prove yourself, but I see now that your actions were nothing more than an attempt to jeopardise the future of Camelhot by casting aspersions on my beloved daughter. You have broken no laws, and so I cannot justly punish you, but I can and will banish you from my kingdom.' He pointed to the doorway, and finished dramatically, 'Go! And never again darken our doorstep.'

Scorchred did not argue, but turned towards the doorway, his expression of bitterness deepening as it slid from the view of the other dragons.

'Sir Galahot and Sir Burnevere,' said Allfire. 'See that he leaves the castle and doesn't pinch anything on the way out, will you? Cinder and Clinker, please go and tell Princess Flame the good news. Loungelot, you must be tired after your quest. Go and rest, and we shall hear about it later. Squire, you will go with your master.'

Loungelot removed his arm from around Flicker's shoulders and they both bowed to the King, then turned and went from the room.

* * *

Flicker sat on the edge of Loungelot's bed, his face steeped in all manner of powerful emotions, while Loungelot handed him a steaming mug.

'There you are,' he said. 'It's all over now. A nice hot cup of tea will help.'

'Thank you, Milord.' Flicker took the mug, sipped at the contents and began to recover. He stared at Loungelot for a moment, then asked, 'Where did you _go_?'

'Never you mind,' said Loungelot. 'I'm back now, and don't you go thinking I've gone soft. It's just a cup of tea, and when you've finished it, you'll be back to work.'

'Yes, Milord,' said Flicker. 'And… thanks. You really stuck up for me back there.'

'Well, did you want to get your head cut off or something?'

'No.'

'Well then.' Loungelot frowned at him for a moment, then looked pensive, and said, 'I'm not sure I really made a difference, though. It sounded like Allfire was going to find you innocent anyway. I wonder why Merle said _I'd_ ruin everything.'

'Merle?' said Flicker. 'What makes you think she had anything to do with it?'

'Oh, she and Scorchred go way back,' said Loungelot. 'I doubt he would have thought of it all by himself. He's too stupid. Besides, how could he know? He can't have been here two days.'

'I didn't think of that,' said Flicker. 'I really wasn't surprised to hear someone had accused me of… that. You selected your words quite carefully, Milord, didn't you?'

'I suppose I did,' said Loungelot, 'but Flicker, I believe I told the King less than he already knew.'

Flicker, sipping at his tea again, looked up at his master with wide eyes. In return, he got a penetrating look that was brimful of meaning. Then a knock came at the door. Loungelot took his eyes off Flicker, and went to answer it.

'Is he here?' came Princess Flame's voice.

'Are you sure this is a good idea, Your Highness?' asked Loungelot.

'No,' said Flame, 'but please let me in anyway, just for a minute.'

With a look of resignation, Loungelot stepped aside, and Flame swept past him into the room. She walked towards Flicker, but stopped a good distance away from him.

'I'm sorry,' she said.

'What for?' asked Flicker.

'For pushing. For coming to see you so often, and talking to you so freely, and… that thing I did after the Puce Knight business. That could have been pretty bad, if Daddy or Stepmother had thought to ask.'

Flicker let out a sigh, and said, 'All of that… well, most of it was my fault as much as yours, Fl-… Your Highness.'

'Oh, Flicker, don't start that again!'

'I must. We have to stop it.'

'If I may,' said Loungelot, 'perhaps it would be pertinent to remind you that you won't have to wait forever, Your Highness. You shouldn't try to rush things, and anyway, you can't. All will come in its own time.'

'Yes, well,' Flame said stiffly, 'we'll just see about that.' She turned away from Flicker and headed out of the room, but paused in the doorway. 'I thank you, Sir Loungelot, for what you did. Cinder and Clinker told me.'

'I did only what I could, Your Highness.'

'That sounded ominous,' said Flicker, as Loungelot shut the door behind Flame. 'Sometimes I wonder why she bothered going off to Dunstable to learn patience.'

'Didn't she learn that patience killed her mother?' asked Loungelot.

'Yes,' said Flicker, 'and then she told me she realised that in this case, being patient for a little longer wasn't going to kill her. Then look what happened - her _im_ patience could have killed _me_.'

'You'd die for her, wouldn't you, Flicker?'

'In a heartbeat, but I'd rather not have to,' Flicker said dully. Then his eyes widened, and he sat up sharply. 'I shouldn't have said that.'

'That's all right, Flicker,' said Loungelot. 'Doesn't it say something in the Code of Chivalry about being willing to lay down one's life for one's king, queen, princess and so forth?'

'Oh yes.' Flicker relaxed. 'That's Section One stuff. Milord…'

'Don't thank me again, Flicker,' said Loungelot. 'Just for goodness' sake be a bit more careful in future. And we're not going to talk openly about this again, all right?'

'Yes, Milord,' said Flicker. Then he drained the last of his tea, jumped to his feet and began unpacking Loungelot's bag.


End file.
